I am a double winner in recovery for both codependency and alcoholism.
The thing to remember is to keep your recoveries separate. Yes, it's ok to go to a speaker meeting together once in a while (if you are in AA) but his recovery (or lack of) is
his and yours is
yours.
A bit like dental hygiene:
You want to kiss someone who has sweet smelling breath but you really don't want to be sharing the same toothbrush.
Another thing which has been hinted on this thread is codependency issues. I have been there myself and it is very tempting to focus on one's partner's issues and how they work their recovery rather than work on ourselves. It gets very tempting to try to help and fix the other rather than deal with our own crap.
Relapses are also something to consider. One partner might drink or use. This is why it is always advised to
put your oxygen mask on first. If he drinks, you do
not have to drink yourself but you will have to be prepared to step up your own recovery and reach out for support.
It is doable. Ed and I did not make it but there are some couples who do quit together and both stay sober like Anattaboy and his wife here on SR. This is the exception though, not the rule.
Basically you have to make it for you and on you. You cannot make your own sobriety contingent upon someone else's.
It is possible to get clean and sober whether our loved ones are in active addiction or not.
I and many others have done it and so can you
