Iconoclastic

I try not to give advice by sharing in first person singular.

I take it you're a runner, if so, I was a sub 5 minute miler in middle school, I ran competitively throughout high school as well. I was also a wrestler and used running for my training, as well as daily weight training. I became addicted to running and pumping iron. Once a week on average I ran 1/2 marathons.

You probably know that the pituitary gland produces Beta - Endorphin, a potent pain suppressant 80 times stronger than morphine This explained why at about 9 to 11 miles when I hit and got through what runner's call the "wall" (of pain), I'd get a euphoric high.

What I discovered through psychotherapy is that beginning in childhood I learned to compensate for depression which I thought was LONELINESS and BOREDOM by staying very active. My depression was a chemical change and my activity was a chemical change that medicated my depression that I created with my extreme behavior that athletics afforded me. I was also a competitive swimmer. I sport parachuted in the 60's when non-military technique was first developed in the USA. I did deep dive saturation SCUBA, mostly on shipwrecks. My SCUBA driving partner was a former Navy Seal and member of Alcoholics Anonymous who 12 Stepped me.

In closing my sharing, the awareness of non-substance addiction, which is somewhat overlooked, can be the key to recovery.