Rescuing no more
I love recovery. It has taught me so much about me and about how I used to interact with people especially friends and lovers/spouses/etc. I met a man recently whom I started to see very briefly and shortly after our first date, he told me he wasn't over his xgf. Red flag number 1...yep, I noticed it, lol. Years ago I would have thought I'd just sleep with him and convince him to get over her, LOL.
So, we get along really well as friends and have chosen to stay in a friendship with each other. No romantic notions, no flirting, etc. He has been honest with me from the beginning and we actually would be a good couple if either one of us were ready for it....but we're not. I'm not and he's not.
He recently called me telling me about a fight he had with his X, where she made it clear they were over for good. He asked me to come over and just lay with him (then followed it up and said that, as friends, it's probably not a good idea....ya think?)....UM, nope, not going there. What I was willing to do was share what I knew about grief, we talked about God and being in His will, and I told him I'd pray for him.
It feels good to see red flags. It feels good for me to know that I can step out of the enabler role and not have to fix everybody's problems. I love the fact that I can now support people from a distance if necessary, that I can be a friend without crossing lines or boundaries or compromising my convictions or beliefs. I feel like my eyes are so much more open and that I finally understand what boundaries are and what red flags mean. A friend of mine in program always tells us, "Don't turn a red flag into a yellow flag into a green flag...."
I just had to share, you all, because many years ago I wouldn't have been able to step back. I would have jumped in and fixed and fixed and then wondered why I got dumped or why I was being used for sex or whatever. It feels good to let people be responsible for themselves. Hope you all have a great week!