Day 8
Just gone midnight day 8 for me since my last 5 day bender, and afraid what's going on right now might cause me to drink (I actually don't think I will, I'm more determined than ever, but I am also aware how impulsive I can be when I feel upset In this way - it's like I forget all logic for a few minutes and run and get a drink in me before I can even think it through) so I'm reaching out and trying to stay accountable
The person I went through a break up with both times my last two relapses (we've honestly broken up about 5 times in the last few months, but been together about 5 years, the first few good albeit still very unhealthy really) is contacting me again tonight, I thought we were done and now it's like he's trying to end things all over again, going over how much I meant and how wonderful I WAS etc - I really don't understand why
it's utterly exhausting and my biggest trigger to drink, in fact he in general has been my biggest trigger, but I'm determined not to drink over it this time,
I don't have another binge OR those withdrawals in me, it will kill me or I will at least lose everything I have left
so I suppose more than anything I'm reaching out here asap and will keep updating this as anything changes/if cravings become stronger, none of my friends or family can stand him any more so I've no where else to vent, but even more than that I know if I have this here it will make me unable to just 'drink without thinking', I've got no excuse to pick up if I'm reaching out addressing my feelings head on Thanks for listening