I had no idea! I have known my stbxah since I was 8. Always had a crush on him. I remember he drank in high school, I didn't but a lot of people did. We dated in college, and lost touch for a few years we both married other people. Then we reconnected after our divorces. We would go out drinking together and actually I think I would get "drunk" a lot more than he did. We got married and I only saw him have a couple beers and a glass of red wine with dinner. He did this most nights, I didn't think too much of it. I didn't drink very often anymore. It wasn't until he tested positive for a random alcohol/drug test from work that he told me he was an alcoholic. I was an idiot. He drank heavily all day every day. And I never saw him drink except at dinner. I had never been around an alcoholic that I knew of. And like someone else said, he had a good job, great home, wonderful personality. He wasn't stumbling over reeking of alcohol and disheveled appearance. I knew he did the whole Jekyll Hyde thing at night, but I thought something else was going on. The psychiatrist treated him for depression and even sent him to a neurologist and a sleep study because of what I told him about AH mood swings at night and how irrational he was. The dr and I even thought AH had experienced a mini stroke when I described how he had slurred his words and food was falling out of his mouth one night at dinner. He would black out also and have no idea where were sometimes when we were out or at home. I was convinced it was a chemical imbalance or neurological. And the psychiatrist was convinced also. So that made me feel a little better when we both learned the truth that AH was an alcoholic and very good at hiding it!