tomsteve

Ok, dude, c'mon!!!yeah, Carlotta with her pink crowbar cares ( )but Have you been reading anything other folks here have writing?
I personally just went back and read through this whole thread and what do I read? A LOT of people that care, and that won't do crap if YOU don't care.
But us caring won't get you sober. No one can do it for you. No one can get you out of the self pity. You have to get into action.
The day after my last drink, the woman I intended to marry- the one I was going to share the ret of my life with- told me some of what I had done and said the day/ night before and then said," GET OUT!!! GET THE F**K OUT!!!
She was in tears and I was crushed. But I packed up some clothes and left. I couldn't have felt any more like a hopeless,helpless,useless,worthless piece of **** than I did tha morning.
As the drunk was wearing off( I was still drunk when I passed back in that morning) terror and bewilderment were hitting hard. I was seeing,for the first time without trying to stuff it, just what alcohol was doing for me. I saw how alcohol controlled me. I saw a whole lot of the sick,disgusting **** I had done and said to her and countless others.
And I hated myself.
And I decided to find a solution. Narrowed it down to two,even: AA or kill myself.
I chose AA and was going to see what happened. But it wasn't something I thought a week and if nothing better I'll kill myself.
So I went to AA, balling my eyes out, wallowing in self pity( did that for some time). Got the by and something jumped out at me:
No one can tell of the loneliness and dispair I found in the bitter morass of self pity.
I think being called out on the self pity helped,too. And I didn't want to be all," boohoo,poor me" ,too.
So I got my arse into action doing what the program in the bb says.
And an amazing thing happened:
I stayed sober, the self pity stopped( it still comes back sometimes, but I have a solution for it now), and I actually started liking the man in my mirror!
But it took footwork. No one was going to join me in my pity party. No one was going to do the work for me. No one was going to get me sober and make my life better.....EXCEPT ME. it was me that had to put in the footwork on fixing me( which doing it my way or alone got me to the doors of AA so that way wasn't going to work. I used the program and what others suggested).
That woman I was going to spend my life with? Welp, we didn't get back together and I am ok with it. I am happy,joyous,free,peaceful,serene, and live myself tonight.
But it took getting my ass into action.

I hope ya decide to get into action. Yer worth it. And,your kids deserve their father sober.

One thing that did happe to me with the action I've put in:
I was able to look back and sa," holy crap I was king baby and wanted everyone to join in my pity parties quite a lot! Boy were they smart not to join in!!!"