corriebearden

I've been clean from opiates since October. This date was my second attempt at recovery. The first time I had four months and went back out. After a year of being out there, I had to come back. I was literally sick and tired of being sick a tired, as they say. I've been in AA and NA and celebrate recovery and while, admittedly, I haven't put enough focus on it, tried to achieve some spiritual growth. Both were things that I definitely didn't focus on enough and things I didn't stay focused on. I know this has to be a daily thing and, although I was sober, I wasn't working my recovery or spiritual growth. I stayed at my in-laws a couple of weeks ago while they were out of town. While looking for my daughter's toothbrush I came upon a bottle of hydrocodone. I took them. I didn't think. It wasn't planned or thought about at all. I wasn't prepared and afterwards I felt terrible. I wanted to undo everything but couldn't. I have so much shame and guilt and regret and it makes it even more evident to me how much I need to be sober and working my recovery. I'm dealing with these issues and since they realized it I'm now trying to figure out how to deal with that issue. I'm glad they found out, even though I'm so ashamed and embarrassed, because I don't know if I would have admitted it and don't know if it could have been a learning experience. My husband, who is also in recovery and now living under their influence, is so angry, which is to be expected. But he's using his recovery and spiritual growth and my obvious lack thereof as a way to condemn me. He's being so mean and while I know I have to deal with all of them...I want to do it in the best way possible, not out of anger or defense, etc. Any advice...?