Hey MM ... You aren't "letting anyone down" amongst us if you relapse... I've been in & out of sobriety my whole adult life!
It would feel like more of a let down if you just disappeared into your alcoholism! I, for one, feel really connected to hoping that you make it. I love this community. It changed my complicated relationship with alcohol from being a personal problem to being a shared group experience - we are all getting sober here together! In a group! From all over the world!
Sometimes it blows my mind. I have an international community of friends that I can turn to at every stage & with any issue in my recovery. How fabulous is that!
So, MM, keep throwing yourself forward. You are part of my close community of cyber recovery & I care a lot what happens to you.