I can understand what you mean, I have suffered the same debate over the past few years. Fortunately, I have been given some good advise regarding my wife from the people at SR. Recently, I looked at myself in the mirror and asked, "what else can I do?" and I have soon realized there is nothing. On numerous occasions I begged, pleaded, threatened, and cried for my wife to get help and talk to me.
As of now she has turned my step kids, friends, and her side of the family against me. I can only focus on my well being and the well being of the people who love me and I will love them back. Remember the C's...you did not cause, you can't control, and you can't cure. The hardest part about doing something about the addict is making the decision to do it. Best of luck to you.