Scared, But Hopeful
Hi everyone-
A friend of mine randomly found this forum when I was complaining that a Google search rarely seemed to yield real stories... only ads for treatment centers and WebMD articles. I'm thankful she found this.
I'm 35, and I've been drinking way too heavily since college. It doesn't make that much difference at all, but I'm strictly a beer drinker. I can put down way too many Miller Lites in a day for my own good. Until recently, I've been able to manage my alcoholism relatively well. However, in the past month or so, my ability to manager has lessened. When not drinking, I'm fidgety, have anxiety attacks and am much less able to focus. While I've been doing damage to my health for many years, it finally put me over the edge when I realized that it was impacting my work performance.
I hit the wall on Monday. I came home, wrote down my thoughts and then called my folks and sister to admit my problem. I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure it is rooted in depression. I live alone, I'm overweight, I don't eat right, I'm not in a relationship, work isn't that great and a host of other things.
Tomorrow morning, I have an appointment for an initial assessment at a substance abuse center at one of our local hospitals. I'm pretty sure from some research (and my sister, an RN, agrees) that I'll have to undergo some sort of inpatient detox given the amount I drink. I also am afraid I have other health problems that may complicate things (as I mentioned, I'm overweight and don't eat right, but I've also had a high blood pressure issue I haven't addressed for a few years because I was afraid I'd have to stop drinking).
So, I'm a scared about the process to come... not only because I'm changing a lifestyle I've become used to over the past decade or so, but also because I'm hoping my body can take it. However, the alternative is certain. I have been and would continue to be doing damage to myself.
That said, I'm also hopeful about making a change and about the person I can become.
Very glad I found this community to share with.
My best to all of you,
bc