Yeah, you see? I am very familiar with that hermit existence from some of my drinking times. It seems the "most comfortable" thing to do in the moment, but in reality, it does not lead anywhere good. Maybe I'm wrong, but you don't strike me as a person who can be happy and content in isolation. And of course, the internet is the easiest "place" to go to, but it can never replace real human interaction for those of us who need it. Of course no surprise we go crazy having nothing and no one around to interact with other than the virtual world and our thoughts and fantasies.
I'm also not the kind of person who is very interested in going out just to hang out with people and socialize, unless the people are good friends, or people who share some interests with me, so the activity is related to that interest. But then I love to go and typically really enjoy it. Doing things out I'm interested in alone is also perfectly good.
I recall having all those fantasies many years ago to just take off, leave everything about "normal life" behind, and go somewhere to live as a Buddhist nun. Spend my time studying, writing, meditating, and thinking fantastical thoughts. Luckily I rejected that crazy idea... I really don't have the makeup of a nun or someone who could ever live in serious isolation in peace and contentment.
I know how hard it is to break the ice at first, but once you do it, everything becomes much easier and I think those problems and resentments would carry much less weight compared with a state when you do little else but ruminate on them, and on what could be.
That chance to turn your life around is perfectly in your hands anytime if you choose to grab it and run with it. So much more efficient to create these chances than waiting for something to fall on us, maybe every other decade. Just food for thought, if you have not been thinking enough yet
