Precipice.
I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through, MarathonMan.
Things may seem desperate right now and I'm sure you're in a lot of pain. There's only one path to go forward - detox and get sober. Drinking now would only worsen and prolong your pain and would dig you deeper into a bottomless pit... Stop digging. You will find hope again, things can get better, but you have to stop. Make tomorrow your day 1 and stick through sobriety no matter what.