Thread: last chance
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Old 04-01-2015, 01:36 PM
  # 50 (permalink)  
heartcore
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
OK, dear friend, go pass out drunkenly so you miss seeing me roll my eyes at the sad, sad "it will be better for them if I just curl up in a ball and accept my alcoholism and let them go" sentiments...

blah, blah, blah. I have sat through the many alcohol fueled monologues of my good friend "R" in the real-world, who recently lost his wife and children after years and years and years of false promises and conflict over his alcoholism. He is now drowning his very real pain in yet more alcohol, and he actually does sit in the darkened one-room apartment every single night, drinking and watching the same movies over and over, while he cries and regrets the loss of his family.

He is a wonderful man and an excellent father, and as he blubbers self-pity at his loss of his family, I want to scream "but they LOST YOU...don't you see...what a horrible, horrible thing to do to your children!!!"

Interestingly, his only concern...ever...is HIS loss. And still, the whole time, the whole damn time, all he had to do was get sober. His wife gave him warning after warning before she hit the ultimatums and then...finally...was gone.

And he does go to the very same place, the "well, I'm a drunk, and it is just better that they don't see me like this," and the part he doesn't get is that BEING A DRUNK IS A CHOICE!!! Being an alcoholic isn't a choice, at least that's what we've all agreed to believe, that we are "wired for it," but we already know the solution. Abstinence is the only solution. The only way to be abstinent is to stop drinking.

Just go to the freaking hospital and turn yourself in. Go through a supervised medical detox. It will only take a couple of days. If you have to tell your job that you have stomach flu, then lie! Text your wife and tell her that she and the baby are the only important things in your world and that you are checking yourself into the hospital. Do not crazy up the message with a bunch of regret and whining. Just give her the info and check yourself into detox. When you get out, do AA, do the dishes, take care of the baby, stay sober and man the f### up!!! Don't abandon this good woman with a baby!! That is a horrible thing to do to her, and a horrible thing to do to the baby!!

If your sobriety is boring or difficult, well, too bad. It will get better, and you will get better, and if nothing else you will be doing the right thing and won't have to live your whole life with the guilt and shame of abandoning your family.

Even if you detox and get sober and she doesn't return, it positions you to be a fabulous father, sharing custody.

You will have so much joy from parenting! You will grow so profoundly!! How can you bear to miss that experience?

Children grow up. Time passes. You're going to miss the whole damn thing, and even if you get sober later, you will have missed so much.

I just don't understand. I don't understand when I talk to "R" and I don't understand when I hear this from you. I understand if someone doesn't know how to quit, doesn't have any experience or connection with recovery, but that isn't you. I understand drinking when you are alone and lonely. I don't understand giving up a loving partner and a child to drink. I am sober and alone; I would give up most anything to have someone to love who loved me back...
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