Gabrielle,
getting sober, staying sober, finding/making/needing/looking for/ whatever 'meaning', learning "how to" as far as taking care of ourselves and our needs, finding ways of connecting and getting away from "i'm the only one and no-one understands" and sitting with our imperfections and opening to taking small steps into new directions....NONE of this requires being a mother or being able to be a mother.
it sounds like you keep looking for what blocks you. and i think it's valuable to know my blocks. in fact, it's necessary.
but the point that comes along with that is to find or get help finding the ways to get past the blocks.
we all have them, you know?
nevertheless we can go on and find/make better lives.
it might help if you started a list of what you CAN do and go from there.