let down by who? by what?
i blamed life and "others" letting me down, and of course they do, but not as much as i let myself down. which was where the problem sat. with me. and my expectations. of life, others and myself.
and how easy it is to be justifiably feeling let down or angry or disappointed or hopeless over others' imperfections.
they all have them! damn! life is full of imperfections!
what i really couldn't accept were my own. accept that i have them and that i can change some and that no matter how much i change i'll still have them.
you're at a loss. yes. you know it. good.
i knew it when i was drinking. and then thought that quitting would fix that.
it didn't; still at a loss after i quit. still no 'meaning'. nothing filling. never mind "full-filling".
the opening to that has required staying sober and being willing to sit with the imperfections. integrate the human-ness of that. be willing to stay "at a loss" and look and see what others do, how they did it and how various stuff panned out for them.
sorry, Gabriella, i've found no easier or faster way to tell you about.
glad to see you posting and looking again/still.