I've posted a couple weeks ago about my AH. We have been separated for almost 2 months because of his active addiction and being unfaithful while in a sober living house.. Everyday is an emotional rollercoaster ride for me but I can say I have begun to feel myself becoming stronger as I have been putting myself and my children first. I have been doing little things here and there to make me happy and honestly I enjoy the peace I now have in my home. Although my AH and I are separated, I have to admit that I felt a sense of joy in hearing that he was clean and recently got a job and a sponser etc. But I was skeptical about this being longstanding. Nevertheless, I was happy for him. Anyway long story short, his mother asked that I test him at her home where he has being staying because of some odd behavior. Sure enough, he tested positive for opiates and cocaine...I am trying to pretend like this didn't bother me, but it does. I hate that somehow I allow myself to believe he will get it right this time. I know I shouldnt be concerned with what he is doing and I detach myself from him most of the time, but there is a part of me that feels like I will always have hope.. Is that wrong? Is it unhealthy to be hopeful at a distance? He recently got a phone and has been calling me but after this I told him not to contact me unless it has anything to do with it children. I hate that even though he isn't under my roof, I care..I hate caring, when he doesn't even care......just venting.
