I don't think I've ever seen anyone be turned away from here! Welcome. I'm glad you are here and I hope you can get what you need from here to meet your goals.
I know that I told myself several times in early sobriety/clean time "I can always go back to drinking/using if this doesn't work." I did go back out, but it always got worse for me.
Today I use a combination of programs to stay clean and sober. Not drinking and using for long periods of time has brought me a different kind of life, peace and good things. The minute I pick up, things don't work so well. It doesn't take long for my life to start to crumble. Like you, I don't want to make an a*& out of myself another day of my life.
Today if it might allow me or anyone else to question my integrity, I don't do it. What is amazing is that my life has gotten so much better. Some days still suck but seriously-that's life.
Welcome, I'm so glad you are here!