I am sorry you are feeling so sad right now.
I had an experience similar to SparkleKitty, except mine was with a boyfriend and it was 20+ years ago.
It was so hard for me to believe that this man who I was trying to save had left me. I obsessed about it and pleaded with him to try and make it work. I hardly recognized myself. It truly was one of lowest points of my life. That was my ACA "bottom".
However, it turned out to be the springeboard that I needed to go into therapy and eventually recovery work. I too started to wonder what was it about me that made me pick men who were emotionally unavailable. After awhile I began to realize that I was just recreating the relationship that I had with my alcoholic father. Feelings of abadonment were familiar and yet so difficult for me to handle.
I wish you the best as you continue down your own path of healing.
Fondly,
db