IloveRRR

A year and a half ago i meant the most stunning, kind, humble man who was in recovery for almost a year. We were both astounded by the depth of our feelings of love and friendship. I felt like God had finally blessed me with my soulmate, as much as I used to cringe at that term. We moved in together and literally never wanted to be apart. I fully supported him going to meetings, which he did....for awhile. Then he relapsed. His pattern is to get a bottle of vodka, hide it by the bed and drink. He blows off work which ENRAGES me. I find his drinking irresponsible- I know it is a disease, but it infuriates me when I have to be responsible and go to work and he just lies in bed. After he relapsed he never really got sober again for more than a few weeks- then we have another bender. I accept that he is alcoholic- but he does not. He refused to beleive he cannot drink "like everyone else". Last year, on March 23 I was struck with a severe illness and the surgeon that operated on me made a mistake that resulted in me being hospitalized for 6 months. Of course, a few weeks into it he relapsed and I didnt see him for days at a time or he would come to the hospital drunk and i would tell him to leave. In the end, he pulled himself together and spent every moment he wasnt at work by my side in a hospital bed. I recovered and we went on with our life, alcohol sneaking in here and there. We just got married a few weeks ago. I love him with all my heart. He was off from work yesterday and drank vodka in the morning until it was gone and then drank beer all day. We actually had a nice night together which ended in him saying goodnight and going to sleep at 11 PM or so. This morning he decided he was not going to work and was going to stay home and drink beer all day. I was again ENRAGED that he was not going to work (he is self employed, so if he doesnt work, he doesnt get paid). I'm committed to this man and i just dont know where to turn. I've read countless articles, etc. and i dont know if i am enabling him. I tried the "You made a mistake- lets just move on" approach but I almost feel like that is giving him "permission" to continue to do this. He doesnt "like" meetings and I suggested an addictions councilor which he was excited about only to find out at his first appointment that my company made a mistake and our insurance would not cover the 80.00 sessions. I forced myself to come to work and I texted him that i was going to rent a room for a bit because he is letting alcohol destroy us and his career. His phone is off (He never turns it off) I know because I called. I don't know how to get over the "if he loved me he would stop" feeling. I need help in understanding the difference between enabling and being supportive.