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Old 03-16-2015, 09:05 AM
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zoso77
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
 
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Struggling...

Welcome to the Board. I'm sorry for what has brought you here, but I'm also grateful that you've found us and took the step to reach out for support. Other members will be by to greet you during the day, but is my wont when greeting new members, I've got a couple of things I'd like to share.

Opiate addiction is an incredibly difficult thing to get a handle on, and part of the reason is the brain remembers all too vividly what it's like to be under the influence. So if, for example, your AH was feeling incredibly depressed, his brain would remind him that if he picked up and used opiates, he wouldn't feel depressed anymore. In fact, he wouldn't feel anything.

I can't help but feel I failed my husband. Why could I not be by his side holding his hand like I promised? Why could I not forgive all the mean and hateful things he told me in his deepest despair, sadness and addiction? Why did I finally leave and say enough is enough?! I struggle every day with the choice that I could not stick around and watch my husband killing himself.
Well, you made a difficult decision, but it may be some comfort to you that we have a lot of women come to us in with a very similar situation and have gotten through it. And when your AH's says the following --

He tells me he deserves better
-- my answer would be so did you. No one made him pick up opiates. No one made him lie, or be verbally abusive, or manipulative. When you married him, that's not what you signed up for. He has not held up his end of the bargain. When he says he deserves better, what that tells me is he does not take responsibility for his choices, and he's feeling sorry for himself. And while he may have abstained for 60 days, this does not mean he's in recovery.

We're not marriage counselors here, Struggling. But I am of the opinion you did what was necessary to protect yourself. And sometimes, in this life, we're confronted with decisions we don't want to make, but have to in order for us to be steady, sane and safe. My hope for you going forward is that you learn enough during your time with us to make the best decisions for you. Only you can make those decisions. But all of us here can share with you what we've learned, and hopefully, some of that with resonate with you.

Keep us posted, and again, Welcome to the Board.
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