Brigzy...
Welcome to the Board. I'm grateful that atalose, Jaeger, and INgal beat me to the punch in greeting you and have provided you with some solid direction on how to proceed going forward.
But I also think there is a larger lesson to be learned in all of this. The good news is you recognize that you've done your AH and yourself no favors. To be honest, I believe you've treated him like a child:
I bought him a bucket truck, dump truck, chipper, boat, 4 wheeler, saws and equipment, a new truck when we got married 2 years ago.. I bought our home. He hasn't brought much to the table.. Maybe 7k total in 3 years..
This doesn't sound like a marriage to me. There was one invested partner in your marriage:
you. You can't buy another person's recovery or commitment. This is hard, brutal and painful lesson you've had to learn, and I'm sorry that you've had to go through this.
So, I pretty much hate my husband for hurting us sooo badly! But I miss my amazing husband so much and keep thinking he's still there somewhere. Even though the last week he's been here we can't talk at all since he nods off every freqkin 2 seconds the whole time!! And it's even worse cause when he revives he says he's fine and keeps trying to talk or trying to have sex or trying to participate.. Why doesn't he just give up and go to bed!! And I want to punch him in the nose cause he nods off and all I see is powder caked all over his stupid nose..
Brigzy, from this description, there is nothing amazing about your husband.
Nothing. He has taken advantage of everything you've done and he won't accept any responsibility for the spot he's put you in. He has chosen drugs over you and your son. The question is what are you prepared to do about it?
Stick around...keep your eyes and mind open...learn everything you can while you're here...and most importantly, do not be in denial about what you're up against.
Again, Welcome to the Board.