Thanks for the feedback!
What I am thinking now is that things were going really well and I really, really enjoyed the "together" type of life. So...why not reward a good presentation with a drink, and isn't an occasional drink part of a successful, well-managed life? I was repulsed at the though of going back to a drunk, out of control life. Drinking just seemed like it belonged.
There was some contemplation prior to picking up, and I will always believe it was a conscious decision.