You're not alone, my friend.
I used to drink like that, too. Just get insanely drunk for no apparent reason.
It led me to coming out of blackouts, in public, with no idea how I got there or what I did. Scary.
It didn't stop me from going back to the bottle, though.
Imagine this going on for twenty years and you've discovered my drinking problem. Yeah, I was a bad drunk.
The only answer for me was seeking help and total abstinence. I hope you can do it too.
No, I KNOW you can do it too. You just have to have an open mind and be willing.
Thanks for sharing your story. It brought back some memories of my drinking, which will help me stay sober today.
Best to you.