lillamy...so right. I guess my story is no different that the countless others I have read on here. We all want someone to tell us it'll be ok, and it sometimes just never gets there and we end up so damaged we have lost our sense of self and right and wrong. We all come with baggage, and we ignite others' demons. But it's not ok to take the blame for it or to blame someone else. We all have a responsibility to ourselves, and for me, feeling unloved, unwanted, and avoided by a newly recovering alcoholic until I fix this mess...until *I* fix it...is more than I can bear. I can't let this be what I have to face the rest of my life. I saw someone in another post...and many other times...say blame and responsibility are 100/100. Not 50/50 or some other fraction. But, both 100s can't be mine.