I managed another two weeks of sobriety again. But I was one day short this time- the last time I drank on the 15th day. This time I drank on the 14th. Each time I drink again, I continue for the next few days/ weeks until I decide enough is enough. Today, I drank for a second day. Tomorrow I won't. Everything started out good- I got the 'urge', therefore I drank, all was happy and silly and fun (even though I was on my own, as per f***in' usual). But it ended with bad things. I fell out with a friend (online), and I had an argument with a family member. I'm not saying that I was in the wrong, or acted out of order- I was well within my rights and acted exactly in favour of how I would if I was sober- except maybe the outcome wouldn't have been quite so disharmonious.
Yet another reason to hate myself when I wake up tomorrow bright and fresh but with the familiar huge dark booze cloud hanging over me....
I don't really know what I'm trying to say here, or if I'm even attempting to make a point. Maybe I'm just rambling- I don't even care. Treat this like an invasion to my diary. Read it, comment if you will, but don't expect me to suddenly have this massive realisation and to be suddenly blessed with the warm hand of sacred sobriety. That isn't going to happen. I'm just using this as a vessel to let off steam/ talk about stuff and more or less bore the pants off anyone who cares to have their pants bored off.
Read it at your peril....
Either way, I'm going for it again (the whole sobriety thing). There can never be enough attempts. AND, if I'm honest and reflect on my recent efforts for sobriety- I've actually done pretty well. Put it this way- in around five weeks, I only drank for about one week (or less) of that.
You might not see that as progress, but
i do! Something is pretty obviously working....tiny steps, tiny, tiny....but it's there.