Originally Posted by
sauerkraut 
Very interesting insights, Allfor. "Everything I did was authentic in regards to my feelings." Hmm. Unfortunately I'm not in that place, but I can see how it would be ideal to be there. Thanks for sharing.
Your second paragraph makes sense to me, too. I get it that my husband makes his own decisions. Actually reading some of the postings on the substance abusers boards helps me to see how conflicted this can be for people, though. They ask each other why they are engaging in behaviors that they really don't want, knowing the consequences.
What this makes me think of is the common denominator of the people who would make this comment.. I think it points to an awareness that there is a substance abuse problem, an inability to control usage despite their desire to stop.
I think the last part.. negative consequences is key.. and I think the other aspect is despite their own desire to do something different.. quite possibly engage in other positive options.
With Craft, I always keep in mind we are not taking on the challenge of solving our loved ones substance abuse problem, really I think we are trying to break denial, and help them become aware of their use and how its affecting them on a personal level.
With Craft, we allow the natural negative consequences to occur.. but we also provide the positive reinforcement for healthier alternatives… and I think it can be enlightening i.e. I really enjoy going home to my family dinners now, but I have a physical craving to drink, or I feel very anxious and having a few drinks helps but I will be late and ruin the evening.. (just an example tied to the one in the book). Then you get an “awareness” like the people on the forum come to discuss.. what to do now… I realize: I may or do.. have a problem.
This is a CRAFT goal.
I also think this ties into CRAFT studies that show a high percentage of people reduce their drinking and moderate if they are capable ( and I think some are ), stop ( on their own), or seek treatment (if they realize they want to stop and need help). And the choice becomes voluntary because they find awareness on their own.
I think another part of Craft is focused on what you said about addiction providing conflicting signals.. I think because addiction its complex. In Beyond Addiction book.. I think you’ve already read this one.. it focuses on several things like the concept of ambivalence being part of the process of change, and the book also works to educate us about addiction, and treatment options because the science based belief is treatment works best when customized to meet each person’s complex individual needs. Again we don’t want the person to be pushed into something that doesn’t fit their needs or even their personality. Again, we aren't trying to control. Willingly collaborating on solutions however is fine as long as both people feel good about it.
LOL I always come on at the end of my day, so sorry if I have any sleepy brain fog…