As far as eating in the bar, I travel for work, too, and if that's where I have to eat that's where I eat. It annoys me when my colleagues make an "event" out of ordering drinks before dinner, going on and on about it. It isn't so much that I can't drink, it's just BORING if you don't. I forget whether your husband is in AA--a couple of times I've skipped dinner and gone to a meeting instead, grabbing something alone later. I just say I've got friends in town and going to visit (take a cab). There are minibars in hotel rooms, too. At six months, he'll either drink or not, and mere proximity shouldn't be an issue. Alcohol is EVERYWHERE, and at home, too. If he drinks, it won't be because he had to eat at the bar.
I live alone, and I'm pretty messy. I'm a horrible housekeeper, but since I live by myself I have only myself to blame. Part of the problem may simply be that it isn't as important to him as it is to you. He may not expect you to pick up after him--it just doesn't bother him the way it does you. So, it might not be a matter of boundaries so much as it is a difference in priorities.
Is there any way you could hire a maid service to come in a couple of times a month? That way it won't be as much work for you to keep it up to your standards.
My thoughts would be different if he were criticizing the way the house looks and blaming you for its being that way, but I don't get the feeling that is the case.