jarp

No it's not - I am not explaining it very well.

They believe that every addict is different (TRUST ME I laughed out loud when they said this to me....all I could hear was SR friends telling me about terminal uniqueness)!!

Im not sure if I can explain really well, and I don't really want to enter an argument bc its not my choice to make. In the state I live in Australia there are 4 major rehab centres - RAH attends the one that also specialises in dual diagnosis. Its a psych hospital. The 4 rehab centres actually work in similar ways. AA is not big in Australia at all. AA is offered...but its not the holy grail of treatment here as it is in other places.

They differentiate between alcohol abusers and alcohol dependence. They specialise in dual diagnosis.

Some addicts work well with AA and other abstinence only based programs. Many/ most need total abstinence. Forever. Some alcohol abusers, after a long period of abstinence and significant recovery work may not require this. Not many, but some.

They also say lapses, relapses and 'testing' behaviour is (not an inevitable) but possibly a normal part of recovery. If someone lapses its not the end of the recovery road. They try to prepare F&F, and educate.

I'm not explaining myself well. In NO WAY are they suggesting to RAH he 'should' drink, or that he 'will be able to' drink in the future. They don't suggest 'moderation'. They've told him that alcohol is contraindicated with his meds. They've explored scenarios with him. Alternatives. Gone through his plans. They work with the addict through this. At the end of the day they firmly believe HE has the right to make whatever choices HE wants to make.

And I have the right to my choices.

RAH also has borderline PD. BPD'ers don't work well with being told what to do. They don't work well with having more shame and guilt added to their load. They've been trying to work with him on the impact of his drinking behaviours without attacking the core of him as a human being. They treat people as individuals and treat their individual dual diagnosis scenarios.

They are also supportive of my boundaries, of working with the family. They keep emphasising my load and that I need to walk away when I need to walk away. They've talked to us endlessly about impact on children, and OUR role in protecting them. Talked endlessly to me about building support around me, looking after me etc etc.

They've said its not unusual for recovery to stall at this point. Its what he chooses to do with it that is important.

I sometimes feel that here at SR we have unreasonable expectations. Put down that drink and never drink again. Enter recovery and have only an onwards and upwards trajectory. Never feel any desire for your DOC. We will instantly leave if they express that they have a craving. And god forbid they lapse, or relapse. Never have a bump, a blip, never hit a flat spot, never recognise the losses, the difficulty. Don't show empathy or you'll be called out for your co-dependency.

I'm all for boundaries, I have mine and am confident I'll enforce them. I've made mistakes. I've had regrets. I've done things that others at SR told me I shouldn't do that I DON'T regret - but do recognise are hard.

ANyways I am sorry for my rant I know everyone cares and means well. I am just really down today.

Mum is having surgery and exploration for lung cancer today. she's my only practical support. So I am scared as well. Apologies in advance.