I always feel like I'm to blame for everything wrong that happens.Things go through my head like " I shouldn't have told him he upset me, because now he has to drink to cope, "I should have let him do what he wants because then I don't get yelled at or berated". Its not healthy for me and I know it. But when he loves me right he loves me well. Its the in between that I can't stand.
Love is a not a kitchen faucet with HOT and COLD handles. Love is not a sometimes if the moon is right thing. Love is not something you DO to get your way, it's not a tool.......or a weapon. Love isn't what you do when your underwear says Tuesday.......
what you are doing is called Splitting....as if there were really TWO of him. there isn't. one person. one person who has been taught (by you) that he can treat you like crap MOST of the time and all he has to do is put for the bare minimum of effort to be "nice" and you'll roll right over to get your tummy rubbed.
if you went to a restaurant ten times and the first nine trips the service was awful, the food unpalatable and made you sick, but the 10th time you went it was FABULOUS......would you keep going??
if you took your car to a mechanic and each time he overcharged you and didn't FIX the car properly, an then one time managed to change the oil without the engine catching fire when you drove down the street, would you keep going?