Originally Posted by
ajarlson 
I almost hate the "perfectly normal" part more than the alcoholic mess part. You know the other shoe will drop eventually and then you're stuck worrying about "when". .
That is EXACTLY how I feel. I get so happy when he is on a bout of sobriety and then once he slips up and starts drinking again I am constantly on edge wondering "when" he will stop again or "when" he will be Mr. Alcoholic Mess and make my life harder than it already is. I have told him that its not the fact that he drinks that I can't deal with, its the constant fear of what mood he is when I walk in the door. I hate being co-dependent when it comes to him, because it is the only thing in my life where I am not in control and super strong. I have been through a divorce, deaths, miscarriages, medical crises and nothing compares to this ABF crap. It is exhausting, draining and soul sucking. I cannot wait until spring when I can just grab my purse and phone and walk it all off.