Slothy....I think that what a lot of people don't realize...that "mulling over" the lost relationship is actually a part of the process of grieving. Regardless if the relationship was good or bad or if the loss was from death or otherwise---one mentally goes over the relationship and all of it's parts--before they can, finally, after a while, put it away as a part of the past. Those who have lost loved ones, through death, do this ruminating, too.
The one things that helps these people are that there is no more contact to keep refreshing the loss. It is allowed to take it's natural course..albeit, by default.
This "mulling" is intermingled with all the other emotions of grieving...like anger, sadness, bargaining, etc.
This process is not completed in 3weeks or a month. More like several months...until the pain begins to significantly decrease. It takes as long as it takes, actually.
Contact, of course, will cause backsliding. each time. Like re-injuring a broken bone by using it before it is healed.
It takes time. And, time takes time.
It helps to realize that the pain of grieving is actually the first step toward h ealing. It does heal...given enough time....
dandylion