Originally Posted by Mattla

First and foremost, thanks to everyone who has replied. I am in a much more calm place after reading your words and I think I have a much better understanding of detachment.

Since I have been asked: Yes, I was drinking when we dated and when we married. I was also aware a related issue that she was in therapy for. ( I'm not sure it is appropriate for me to share her personal information related to the condition). My parents and siblings are normal temperate drinkers as are her parents and sibling. However, I have quite a few relatives outside of my immediate family that are excessive drinkers and possibly A but undiagnosed and untreated. My wife's family(by her own words)had a history of A on both the maternal and paternal sides in her grandparents and possibly farther back. My wife barely drank even when I did. Over the decade plus that I have known her she has probably had only 5 or 6 drinks.

Both of us came from upper middle class, educated families with parents that are still married. This is the second marriage for both of us and no children from our previous marriages. We both are college educated with professional careers. Despite our respective addition and issues we have not suffered and outward signs of loss WRT jobs, house, etc. nor any legal trouble. From the outside we appear to be a normal, boring family with a normal, boring background.

On the rare occasion my wife talks to me about her program she has told me that she is working through a lot of anger and the ACOA meetings are probably more valuable to her than the AFG meetings. Although I haven't noticed A problems with her parents they used to visit regularly when I was still drinking but since I have gotten sober I am invited to take a few days off and go fishing whenever they are in town now. I don't particularly mind doing so but it is odd nevertheless.

Matt