Hi Matt,
I wanted to also welcome you to SR. This is a place of great understanding, I hope you gain what you are looking for. Congrats on your own sobriety! That is wonderful!!
I can only say that for myself, I acted the same way your wife is. Many reasons, anger, anxiety, confusion, hurt, the list goes on. The #1 for me was trust. My X had lost my trust through the actions of his choices and drinking. I was always living in constant fear of that shoe to drop...again. It was very raw fear.
I can only say that for some, you can get past this. For others, not. I would say since you are here you have a big need for your relationship to work out. Have you guys thought about counseling? For her, separate and together with you? It can be a great resource.
Needless to say, I wish you the very best in your future. Unfortunately, it takes a long time to heal, but that does not mean it cannot be done.
Glad you are here!