It took me about two years, in full, to get from the worst of the worst to feeling normal and okay most of the time. I went to a lot of counseling and I spent a lot of time reading and writing here. I also chose to remain single for that time and concentrate on rebuilding myself and my relationship with my kids, cleaning out my house (and my life in general), and just processing how I got from there to here. I spent a lot of time thinking about where I wanted to go next.
Giving myself the time and space for these efforts was one of the BEST things I did for myself. I learned a lot about myself, got onto a good and healthy trajectory that continues today, and was able to put distance between me and my XAH in a way that sees him for exactly who he is (hrm) but still has compassion (from a great distance) for his struggle. It keeps me from being angry. I was also able to grieve the relationship and the loss of myself in that relationship at my own pace.