I'm really sorry you find yourself here. I've only been divorced since Tuesday so I can't tell you when you're going to be okay...I'm not okay yet. But I did want to share two thoughts...
(1) Great job caring for yourself and your kids. You really are doing all the right things!
(2) It helps me in some weird way to think about how quickly things got really, really bad with my XAH. It reminds me that things can change quickly...and that means they can get better quickly too. The fact that two years ago I was in a better place means two years from now I could certainly be in a better place again. Life is like that. I just have to make sure I'm ready for it.
Hoping for some peace for you soon.