Oh yeah.
You know how far to get distant (detach), right?
When you are out beyond the pain boundary (watch your heart and feelings -- like a dashboard gauge). When it stops hurting THEN you are far enough out.
Whether that is too far out for an A to be able to Shout, Yell, or otherwise direct you how to serve them better . . . . oh well, not our problem, is it?
MEANWHILE.
He is doing AA? And actually REALLY doing it? Not asking you to watch HIS program, but IF he is . . . here is the REAL DEAL -- (just saying this because I have studied and watched this for the last few years . . . ) YOU are likely going to have to do the FULL ALANON Program.
This stuff has developed and exists not as a fad, but rather because it ACTUALLY DOES WORK -- IF . . . .
Let me try a bigger IF . . . it is a BIG IF:
IF
IF You both work YOUR Own Programs Fully, you will BOTH come out rather well. And on the other hand IF Not, Then Not.
But we/you/I cannot do ANYTHING about the other/AA side.
However, we/you/I CAN do EVERYTHING about OUR side.
So. How is YOUR side going?