sweets, i would hazard a guess that after 2.5 years sober, what you see is what you get. he isn't going to wake up tomorrow miraculously transformed into a kind loving engaged partner.
as the saying goes - when people show us who they are, BELEIVE THEM. i personally wouldn't waste my precious time on someone who treats me like a second class citizen, or the hired help. this isn't a partnership....sounds more like cellmates who don't even like each other......