I have to go on living knowing I helped my alcoholic mother die. By many accounts, I should want to die. And drinking would be one interesting way of pulling that off.
I've been sober nearly two years. I won't lie. There are days I say f*%# it all to hell and back.
So why am I sober?
I have to say: Life is MUCH more interesting spent sober. It is much more challenging. I remember the details, and the details are worth remembering, and they are worth sharing with others.
Since you are living on the brink, what have you got to lose? Why not get sober and stay sober long enough to experience a quality sobriety?