I am really glad this thread is here! I've been NC with my AM (i'm trying to pick up the board's lingo
for 7 months now. the last straw was when she hired a lawyer to sue me, after i had been taking care of her, saving her from bankruptcy, being her accountant, realtor, ambulance, taxi, housekeeper, secretary, property manager, nurse, therapist, scapegoat, accomplice. i was once again both responsible for all her needs AND enemy number one.
it finally got through to me that i had tried everything, and that this was totally ruining my life. i didn't know a thing about addiction or alcohol or substance abuse. let alone codependence. but i finally knew that i had been pushed far enough and i wasn't going to voluntarily participate in her abusive cycle anymore. it had been going on my whole life, but with the addition of alcohol and pills it was amazing how her worst traits got SO much worse, and her good ones completely vanished.
so i told her in the most unequivocal way i could that i was not going to see her again. that conversation started with her telling me we should 'let our lawyers do the talking' and ended with her begging me to 'stop breaking her heart'. i felt, and still feel, really solid in my choice.
and the last seven months have been SO PEACEFUL! so liberating! so calm!
there are leaks, when family or neighbors or old friends get through with updates they really 'feel i should hear'. i've done a few 911 wellness checks because neighbors call me telling me she's in a nonverbal state on the floor half naked, and i have to repeat to the 911 operators 'that's right, i do NOT want a call back with an update from the paramedics. yes, even if she dies.' and she herself has gotten through a couple of times - she came to my door once, and i wouldn't let her in - she had driven over drunk. she has totaled a couple cars, before and after NC. many hospitalizations. I think I have finally gotten it through to people that I do not want to know. right now she's making my 103 year-old grandmother miserable and i'm trying to decide if i should get involved there.
I am only just now starting to see the bigger picture. what it means for my life to act like my living mother is not living.
she wasn't a terrible mother. there were many many happy times. she was a really great person. and she didn't start abusing pills or booze til 2 years ago, her mid 60s. (i'm in my early 30s.)
i'm really glad i found this forum. it's totally mind-blowing to talk to other people who have been through this.