When you ask yourself if you are done drinking for good, what goes through your mind when you answer? You know what the only answer is, and the answer you will come to sooner or later. If you make it sooner, then the sooner you can get to making your life full and challenging and satisfying. These are the things you want. If you make it later, the only things that will happen are bad things - sadness and sickness and anxiety and guilt.
When you know what you will choose every time thoughts of drinking come to you, when you know you will always choose to be sober, the AV will stop banging on your head. Things get much easier when you make this choice. Think of a cranky two year old child. If you say, Well, I don't think you should have that now, you are going to have supper soon, it will continue to whine and wheedle. If you say Nope, and then change the subject, the whining stops.
You can do it, Sarahnels. You deserve it.