When we give up sometimes other things surface Jim ,
Sounds like you might have been self medicating with booze ?
Seems to me getting a month together is nothing to be dismissed and is reason for hope. With a tweak here and there, applying yourself differently you might be able to achieve indefinite long term sobriety ..
Don't let this become an excuse for a full blown bender jim , Tip the drink and get yourself some help with the dark thoughts .
Cheers mate , m