Thank you everyone for the welcome.
Esspee, as silly as this sounds i have never been one to help myself, i have always been the one to care for others.
I should know what i need to do as i broke free from an alcohol & drug addict 3 years ago, after 6 long years of abuse. I was only young and thought his behaviour was 'normal' for a long time - i realised eventually it was not, after he put me in hospital and i received permanent damage to my pelvis thanks to him.
I walked into this relationship openly knowing my now finance is or was a recovering drug addict, believing he was strong enough and wise enough thanks to the program and his sponsor to overcome his demons and he was clean for 3 years. He KNOWS what he has to do, obviously as he has done it before, but at the moment he is choosing not to. He can stay clean for months and years at a time, and suddenly fall back into it - like he has over the past 2 months on and off.
Thank you for reminding me that i do have to do whats best for me - even if sometimes its not what i want and it isn't the easiest. Your advice means a lot. xx