Dolly!!! You've been on my mind today. Congrats on another month sober today! I am so sorry you are confronting such a difficult time - a difficult dilemma. I would guess there are deeper issues in your marriage that a therapist could really help you with, and if not as a couple, at least help you to see how the marriage really is. Like you said, you've been drinking the whole time, and maybe now that the rose colored glasses have come off, and even if he's a fantastic father and wonderful man, perhaps the passion was wrapped up in your drinking. The fact that he stood by you all these years when he was drinking says something about him, too... maybe he's too comfortable, or too much of a push-over - maybe it's hard for you to respect him for that, especially now that you have your sh!t more than together. Obviously I'm just throwing things out there, since I don't know you or him more than the chat we have going on here! I do think relationships can be saved in therapy. I don't believe in love at first sight or soul mates. I think we can make amazing connections from everyday relationships. My husband and I were headed to divorce 10 years ago, and did about 6 weeks of therapy, and a LOONNGG time of rehabilitation - lots of work on both our parts, and honestly, I can't imagine my relationship not having gone through that time. I think all relationships (in which people are being thoughtful) must come to points where people either choose to walk away or to solidify it. Therapy can help you determine where yours will go, I think.
Babs - HUGE Congrats on 1 year sober!! I love how many of us are hitting that mark. Your post about pregnancy being your darkest days is really forboding. Do you have a rough time being pregnant? Emotionally? Physically? Though my pregnancy outcomes are horrendous, I am lucky to be a very happy pregnant person. I wish I could bottle up pregnancy hormones and take them all the time.... It would be really hard, I think, to expect awful times for 9 months. I hope you conceive when the time is right and it goes well for you. And about the never drinking again - I'm the same way. I don't think like that - I don't think about never having a drink again. I don't plan on having a drink again, but laying an eternal line in the sand doesn't work for me. I'm too rebellious against myself, and would wear myself down over it.
Lady - how are you doing? You must be coming up on a year too, right?
AFM - My husband's mother's memorial service was 2 weeks ago. It went as well as it could. A few days after the service, I thought back on the reception part afterwards, and realized that I didn't once look at the wine wistfully, or wish for a cocktail. There was loads of top-shelf everything going around, and in retrospect, I'm pretty amazed that none of it even pulled me for a second. I used to think a drink helped in social situations, but it really hit home that I am just fine on my own. I kind of feel like I've arrived. Like I said before - I don't feel like an addict anymore. I feel like a non-drinker. Slowly, I've let more people know, as the timing is right, that I don't drink - as I meet new friends or whatever - and the response is always so.... understated. No one cares. It's nice.