day 2 of 120
I have promised my wife, told my buddies, and anyone else that will listen that I will now be booze-free for the next 4 months (starting yesterday). How many times have I failed previously? Oh goodness, I can't count that high.
I have cleaned the house of beer and empty cans. I joined the gym, have established a work-out routine, have begun journaling, have signed up for "Setting Captives Free" (a 60-day online course about addiction) and truly feel as well equipped as I've ever been.
My marriage depends on this.
My own self-esteem depends on this (when I fail, I beat myself relentlessly as a failure).
I feel like my entire life depends on this. I so want to be able to stand there on the 121st day and say I DID THIS.
(before you ask - no, I don't intend to hit the sauce on day 121. For my brain, I do require a start and finish. I am with the mindset that if I can go that long, I can go as long as I want. 4 years. 4 decades. There will be no point at stopping at that point, as it will be indicative of my abilities to do it, and I will then move forward sober. Hope that makes a little sense. Just telling me to quit forever seems inconceivably impossible).
Anyway, just an intro post - hope to be around often...