Hi art,
Welcome to codieville. Mr Magic is in recovery, and my sponsor felt that the chapters in the Big Book, "To Wives" and "The Family Afterwards" were important for me to read. It helped a lot.
Just like the alcoholic, the family can be in denial that they have a problem. No one but themself can decide if they get help. Though it is a hard thing to not have the recovery support in the home, it's each of our jobs to do what we need to do for ourself.
I am glad to hear that you are attending some Al-Anon meetings. Their application of the steps to relationships has helped me to find peace in my own life. Learning to detach with love, to improve my communication skills, and to Live and Let Live have given me the tools to find peace and happiness even in the storms of life.
It takes time and work to find the serenity and peace that Al-Anon offers. Though it seems like things are hard right now, your efforts will be rewarded. Try to get some of the literature at your next meeting. It can help you better understand and grow. Hugs, Magic