Thanks JT. The lightbulb has come on again, perhaps dimly, but it has come on, that the person I need to change is me. And I see so clearly that I keep thinking that if she changes it will make everything better.
Now I should know better than that, having been sober over 5 years and worked the steps continually and really come to understand a lot about myself, but somehow I am blind to this fault in myself.......sounds like I need another 4th step around this relationship, which I have just started. Progress, not perfection, right?
It's funny, because I know that I did this very same thing with my covertly alcoholic, emotionally absent father for many many years. Only when I got sober was I able to finally let go of my need to have him change. So now I can see I need to do the same thing with my spouse. Sheesh. That onion just keeps getting bigger and bigger every time I peel another layer off of it.
Thanks for your response....
BTW I have been to Al-Anon a couple of times - tried to go to a meeting tonight but there was no one there...:-(