Hi Liz,
I thought I sent a PM last night, but I don't think it went through so here is what I was going to say.
I see two things going on that are confusing.
1. Are you looking to get the most money out of the divorce? OR
2. Are you looking to get divorced the fastest?
Since you are going through mediators (maybe), then I would assume you are seeking the most money, rather than speed. Given your AH is an A and doesn't want to fork over cash he doesn't have to, he is not going to move quickly unless it somehow benefits him. Are you waiting for him to give you a check, or are you waiting for you two to meet with a mediator to sign off on stuff? If he agrees to the financial agreement and pays you a check, can you just file on your own? I know folks that have done that themselves when both parties were agreeable.
When you spoke to the lawyers prior to the holidays, did you tell them that you were going to get a mediator, or did they think you were looking to hire a lawyer to represent you? Did you tell them that your husband is an alcoholic and irrational? Did you tell them that you were planning to move out without a job (your own income) or a written agreement with AH for support? These things are game changers, and as they shift, what is best for you shifts.
I understand why they would say don't get a job, if your AH was rational and you two agreed to a written separation monthly allowance (that could be enforced) until the divorce is final. Without either a job to support yourself, a large savings to run through, or a court ordered payment from him (that he may or may not follow on time), I worry for you to move out on your own with no income. (That is why many of the other places wouldn't rent as they have seen it all, lost rental income and had to take folks to court when a tenant has no guaranteed income). If you move out next week or next month (and are relying on him to pay you money for bills/living/etc...) what if he doesn't follow through? Without a court order of support or your own paycheck, how do you pay the bills?