I think for me, after I got clean and saw that I needed to get out of a five-year relationship with an exabf, I needed to be on my own for at least a year and gain some perspective on what I wanted from a partner. I'm still not perfect at the picking-of-a- partner thing, but I no longer date anyone in active addiction. Not for one day. My current bf and I are both in long-term recovery. I have 7 years clean, and he has 13 years. Both of us are ultra-vigilant. We attend meetings almost every day, though not the same ones very often. We both have separate networks of same-sex fellow recovering addicts to talk to. We both have sponsors and work steps. Neither one of us would be in a relationship with an addict that wasn't doing all of those things. Both of us know that if we're not in the business of recovery, we're on the way to relapse. Active recovery is as obvious to us as active addiction is. And neither of us will accept anything less from ourselves or our partners.