Yes, that's very scary.
You need to try something different. I'm not here to criticize, but to offer some of my own experience as a warning.
There's a thread that has several comments about sneaking around while drinking, planning where to hide our bottles, plotting our purchases...when, where and how to drink in secret, covering our asses should we get caught, what to do when we get caught, how to improve our plans for the next time after getting caught, with the ultimate, grandiose goal of concealing all of this clandestine activity in order to preserve our drinking behaviors. How exhausting. And humiliating. Many of us have done the same thing.
Your plan was equally elaborate...covering a work day in advance, riding the smokescreen of a "bug going around" at work in the service of plausible deniability, going over a range of contingencies, and adjusting your plan based on an increasing desire to drink above all else.
You either planned this all out from the start, made it up as you went along, or, like any good alcoholic, improvised on the spot, having had ample experience with the kinds of secret missions with which many of us are so familiar. What could go wrong?
Here's the thing...At some point you must have known fully what you were up to. It is precisely at that moment of clarity that you need to act in order to save yourself. Your plan could have easily ended with someone dying, and the fact that someone did not die is not a good enough reason to do it again. I say this not to humiliate you further, but because none of my mounting losses motivated me to stop. Living in NYC, I never drove while I was drinking, but at some point it no longer bothered me that I was losing everything and everyone dear to me.
I've become a bit of a broken record around here about getting as much help as we need in the early days of sobriety. I don't believe that we're in the best position to decide what kind or how much help we need when we first get sober. Many of us seem to put more time and energy into buying a new car or planning a vacation than we do in making a plan for sobriety.
I didn't at all intend to stop drinking after losing everything, after detox, after rehab...so I got as much help and support as I could bear. I was involved in things that would help me to get sober every single day for the first eight months, despite my desire to resume drinking once I got back on my feet. Doing what I did not want to do seemed to be the line of least resistance for me if, in fact, I were to get back on my feet as quickly as possible. (How's that for a plan?!) I went through the motions in order to start drinking again. And then it all changed for me, not suddenly, but very slowly.
I'm coming up on three-and-a-half years of sobriety following a three-year relapse after twenty five years without a drink. I don't regret a single moment of the time and energy I put into at first getting back on my feet so I could drink again, and then doing whatever it took to stay sober.
I'm no one's hero, and I'm not exceptional in any way in comparison to others who struggle with alcoholism. I've suffered heartbreak, regrets, and consequences of destroying myself, yet I'm now living a life that I enjoy, that has purpose. There is absolutely no reason why anyone else can't do the same.