I think it's wonderful that you are questioning these things and working them out. Give yourself some credit for going through withdrawal and be kind to yourself. If you find your mind racing with all sorts of thoughts and emotions, remember that you don't have to take this all on at once. When I was in the early days I was hit with overwhelming emotions and people advised me to take a rain check and deal with them when I had more sober time. That advice saved me a lot of distress and triggers.